Her story is not mine, but I find a piece of my own story here.
The torment of a teenager compounded with pain that runs so deep from poverty, abandonment, death and abuse. Tales of a childhood that a child should never have to tell. There is no room for healing when one only knows survival. How does one have the eyes to see what she does not know? Care is difficult for all of those who surround her. All efforts have been made and prayers prayed and yet the miracle does not come. Only pain and discord and fear. Fear looming so heavily that it hangs low like a thick fog even while she’s away.
There is no blame to be had only grief over brokenness.
All long for safety from their offender – fear – who lashes out in search of control with anger and abuse. Safety must be found to give a chance for healing to take place. If fear is in the driver’s seat it will only venture to the cliff’s edge, time and time again. There is not a moment to catch your breath because panic only gives you the chance to react, stealing alternatives from you. All you see is the edge of the cliff with death looming on the other side. You cannot see choices. There is a gravel path beneath your feet giving you another way. But your eyes are fixed on imminent danger you face. How will you survive?
Survival is necessary for seasons and often you’re not given a choice. Survival may have been the only choice you had in your most difficult circumstances you were forced to face in life. If a safe place is never to be found or realized once you’re there, survival will continue on as a way of life.
Survival forces you into a corner and tells you – You don’t have options. You don’t have choices. It’s life or death, with no chance of living in the in-between, in-the-thriving.
If we want to find life Yes – we need to keep moving forward but when we are given the chance we also need to go back into those dark corners we were once forced into. Only bringing the light with us this time, the Truth. If we don’t, we will still move forward but we will take our corners with us.
When faced with difficulties we will look at life as if we only have two choices, life or death. We will not be able to fully examine all the choices offered to us and we will find ourselves trying to catch our breath rather than breathing slowly through it.
Yes, we will never escape pain and suffering. It will always find us on this side of heaven but we can better face it when our souls rest in the safety of choices, in the refuge of the Lord, that is never a corner. His refuge is found in the safety of His loving arms and the warmth of his presence. He allows you and I, to breathe – in and out, to see the path beneath our feet even when fear tries to take us to the cliff’s edge. He promises to go with us — not on our own. Not alone.
No, He will never leave your side. He will wipe away your tears as you back away from the edge, as you find your footing on the gravel path marked out for you; He will wipe your tears all-along-the-way, until you get to the place where tears are no-more. He will open your eyes to see the alternatives you have – to thrive in life – right in the middle of your suffering. He will remind you that you always have choices. He will give you the eyes to see the beauty that surrounds you and let your grief lead you to places of gratitude, which once seemed impossible.
Listen to what is True. Stop listening to the voices that kept you in your corner all those years. Telling you – you are nothing, you aren’t worth it, you are a disappointment, you’re a failure, you won’t ever measure up, you will never be worth loving, why bother? Those voices, those lies, have kept you in your corner long enough.
Like a butterfly emerges from the darkness of her cocoon, so can you. Yes, you will have to learn how to fly and it will take trying out your new wings.
But fly you will.
When you let the Truth and Light into your darkest loneliest places, in the hidden corners of your soul; you will see your present circumstances with different eyes, as you fly high up into sky. Your perspective changes with no promise of changing circumstances. But you will discover that the possibilities before you are most certainly not limited to two.
Rest in the safety of the arms of the Lord, who is not confined to corners, but who is the wind beneath your wings. As His light touches your face, you will see possibility before you — breathe — and you may be surprised to find yourself,
Soaring.